Saturday, December 20, 2008

THE BIGGER THE BETTER? (KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!)

I am sorry to depart this information to all you guys who have been living with this confused mythology for your entire lives, but here is the real - bigger is NOT better.
If I am being unclear let me clarify - a big penis is not a better penis. As a matter of fact a big penis is frightening.
No-no-no, don't be thinking, "But, that's what women want."
No, that's what YOU want.
Imagine this. Something, (a penis) the size of a baby's torso, erupting from your Calvin boxers, coming right at us. You imagine we are about to swoon with the glory of the size.
You know what we are thinking?
Get that thing away from me. Put it back. I have to run. Maybe there's a way I can get to the street and hail a cab, or just run home in my bra and underwear.
Know what? I don't have the stomach to go there. Let me just say this. Our vagina's are not made out of leather.
Imagine this if you will. You are on your knees or your back and someone is shoving a baseball bat down your throat over and over and over, saying things like, "Aw baby, you're so good. Take me baby. Take all of me." You, are gagging.
Nice mythology - the thought that a bigger penis is a better penis.
For all you men out there who have spent your lives feeling insecure because you do not have a penis the size of a lamb shank... chill out. We like you best.
Know what's better for women when it's bigger?

JEANS!











We LOVE it when our jeans are are a lot bigger on us then they were the week before. Talk about a sensuous feeling? Loose jeans, being lifted past our thighs with ease, resting quietly on our bellies, without having to wrestle the buttons.
THAT TURN US ON! Yes, a nice piece of fresh fruit and a big, huge, pair of comfy jeans can rock our world.
Just keep in mind. There is one fantasy that does not hold true. Porn penises hurt if a woman is not a porn star. We can't walk right for days. We look like cowboys who just crossed, "Red River." Some of us have to use crutches or canes after an encounter with a large penis. I know of a woman who was stuck in a wheelchair for a seven weeks.
You know what we like that is big?

CAKE! We like huge pieces of cake. Cake is luscious and yummy. Cake makes us feel giddy and warm. Cake envelopes us. Cake gives us a sneaky, blushing high.Just like your normal, less than normal, or a little bigger than normal penis. When a penis is fine and fits, knows how to shimmy and shake - it is even better than cake. A very close second.Know what else we think the bigger the better?


BATH TUBS.



The bigger the bath tub the better. We are warm, enveloped, the water brushes ever so gently around our skin. Our bodies free-float through wet, hot, scented bliss. We drown in the luxury, soft waves, relaxed, replete. We like bigger jeans, cake and baths. We do not like...
Not at all. Want to please your woman? Please yourself. Enjoy who you are and what you have because I promise you, your woman, or any woman would. Leave the myth behind. And make us scream.





8 comments:

Kelly Moran said...

LOL_ Lord- awesome, Shawn!!!
~K

Ramsey Omery said...

Awesome blog!! Funny, sweet, and really great in busting up some nuerosis men have about their cock. I know I get them. Keep up the awesome work.

Shawn Schepps said...

You guys rock my world!

xoxoxox

S

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. I love your blog, and I love how you can take a subject like this and turn it into exquisite poetry (the segment after the last image, notably).

Amanda said...

Thank you for this post. I love your blog, and I love how you can take a subject like this and turn it into exquisite poetry (notably the part after the last image). Keep it up.

gap said...

Ok, that was very entertaining. Good job.

Shawn Schepps said...

Thanks Gap - I am off to read your blog tomorrow!

Shawn

gap said...

Write more about penises! I don't even like penises and I want to read more from you on them...actually the penises aren't so bad, it's the dick's attached at their base who offend me.

More more more!

Your blog is refreshing as hell.